I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
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I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
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Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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