May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
