I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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