Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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