you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
