What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
