I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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