WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
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I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
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If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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