i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
