I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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