was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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