So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
