Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My underwear smells like fireworks.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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