meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
