those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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