Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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