We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
