Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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