I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
