mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize