He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
