You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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