Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(775): View more from Nevada

I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.

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(775): I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK. http://tfl.nu/nxhd

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(203): View more from Connecticut

New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah

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(203): New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah http://tfl.nu/j6rb

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(440): View more from Ohio

Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.

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(440): Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana. http://tfl.nu/g8b3

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(626): View more from California

Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life

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(626): Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life http://tfl.nu/vx9t

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(720): View more from Colorado

You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.

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(720): You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger. http://tfl.nu/3qkv

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(207): View more from Maine

Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.

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(207): Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father. http://tfl.nu/7nfw

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(989): View more from Michigan

It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.

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(989): It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened. http://tfl.nu/z3yw

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(785): View more from Kansas

I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.

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(785): I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers. http://tfl.nu/hlo3

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(360): View more from Washington

I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"

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(360): I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!" http://tfl.nu/wn2w

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(347): View more from New York

Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!

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(347): Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?! http://tfl.nu/ypzd

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(858): View more from California

This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.

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(858): This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars. http://tfl.nu/bno3

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?

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(973): I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow? http://tfl.nu/blls

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(310): View more from California

Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.

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(310): Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds. http://tfl.nu/m30n

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog

(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Do u remember buying that

(732): View more from New Jersey

I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo

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(732): Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog (814): Do u remember buying that (732): I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo http://tfl.nu/x02b

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(317): View more from Indiana

I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?

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(317): I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened? http://tfl.nu/0nes

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