Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF