My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."