You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
