Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
