Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
