i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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