well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
