i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
