I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
