If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
