There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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