I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
