We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
