You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize