you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
