The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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