She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
