im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize