3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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