Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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