I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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