You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
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at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
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his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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