I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
