and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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