There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
