This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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