Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
