Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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