haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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