My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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