I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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