i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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