My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
