absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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