i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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