somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
